A hooded black figure walks through a busy campus party. The ominous music and tone of the almost serene walk through the oblivious college students sets a mood of dread in the middle of what should be joy. The figure turns and decloaks only to reveal...a topless dancer for the party? Believe it or not, this is an actual scene from "Sorority Row" and it accurately describes the entire ideology of this film. Completely cliche and completely pointless.
A group of Theta Pi sisters go to play a prank on an old boyfriend of one of their members. Unfortunately, prank goes bad. Girl dead. So to save their sorry and undeserving asses they hide her body and go on with life as though it never happened. But suddenly a hooded figure shows up, seeking revenge for their fallen sister. Who is it? What could they want? Is there anything more cliche than this? Is this a "Scream" rip-off (which ironically was an intentional rip off itself)? All these questions and less intelligence are answered with "Sorority Row".
If you can't guess by now, my intense sarcasm stems from a source. This film is indeed one of the most cliche and 'punch yourself in the face' low brow intelligent Horror films you might ever catch yourself watching. It's a teen slasher disguising itself in f words and bare breasts, that makes the 90s era of mainstream Horror look rather original. Poor dialogue litters a rather mundane script that borders itself on being parody. Moments of the film almost seem like a joke (almost as if this wanted to attract the audience of "Scary Movie" rather than Horror fans) but the real joke is that its serious. And plays itself that way. The acting is over the top, none of the characters are likable and the faux depth to them insults many cliche 'sorority bitches' I'm sure. In fact, this film is so mediocre that its probably worse than many of the low budget Horror films that strive to be better than they can be. Thusly, it IS worse than those film despite its rather slick production and larger budget.
So rather than writing any more on this drivel, I'm going to go try to redeem myself by moving on with my life and forgetting about "Sorority Row". As this film taught me, its time to say farewell. Way too late.
Written By Matt Reifschneider