Friday, January 22, 2010

Children Of The Corn (2009) - 1/5

"Put this into your god and smoke it" --Burt

Ugh. That's all I have to say after watching this 'new' version of "Children Of The Corn". I mean, the first film wasn't all that great, but it had its charm and it definitely was more cohesive than this piece of work. I really wanted this to succeed as a film...guess that's what I get fro getting my hopes up.

I should have known better considering that this debuted on the SyFy channel (Side Note: I hate that its now SyFy instead of Sci Fi), but this 'unrated' version perked my interest and, always being a sucker for franchise films, I had to take a look.

This re imagining could have been so good. COULD HAVE BEEN. Unfortunately, it comes across as a film with no purpose, no drive, limited scripting, and far too cheesy even for its own good. There are moments in this film that I wanted them to hang onto, but for some reason this film feels like it was made with all the wrong intentions.

"Children Of The Corn" focuses on our annoying married and squabbling couple as they drive across po-dunk Nebraska (why you may ask...I asked myself that question and was left hanging...they are going to California I guess) when they accidentally nail some little kid in the road. Of course, this kid comes from an occult like outfit of children whom have decided all adults are sinners and sacrifice them to 'He Who Walks Behind The Rows' for their own religious right. It's actually quite the interesting story (thanks Stephen King) but just like all of King's work, it never transfers to film well and this one even less so.

Partially, this is has to do with the very very very poor character work and dialogue. I'm sorry, but if I had to hear that woman bitch anymore about their marriage and him reference one more time about his stint in Vietnam I was going to kill the writers. They tried to give them back story (the Nam thing works occasionally but is far over used) and ended up creating 2D failed representations of humanity. We also get to see a bit of the characters from the children. I was digging on Malakai quite a bit, but seriously the rest were just annoying brats. I never felt frightened at all by these kids and especially Issac whom should have been the most feared thing there. We gets hints at this odd tension between Issac and Malakai but its never worked on and some of the chosen scenes for the kids ended up pulling 'what the fucks' out of me instead inquisitiveness. Seriously, the 'fertilizing' scene was completely awkward. Great concept poorly executed and not tasteful at all.

Then of course, I was excited to see the ending. I was curious to see if they kept it the same as the ending to the short story and although it is closer than the original film - I didn't know what the hell actually happened. And there didn't seem to be a climax to the film at all. It just sort of ended with an awful declaration from an unconvincing Issac. I'm sorry, but what happened to building the tension and creating a high point for the film? This thing just sputtered starting and never went anywhere from there. Putt, putt, putt. Sorry guys out of gas!

This was just a horrendous failure on so many levels. Oh man, did I waste my money. This was just...ugh. That's all I got. Guess I'm going to have to go break out the original now. Redeem myself somehow. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

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